u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
