Your face is a jimmy john
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
