God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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