Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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