the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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