So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
