My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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