It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
