No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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