i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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