Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
