...so i touched it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
