Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
