The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
