i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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