i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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