its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
