Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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