So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
