Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
