i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
