I'm going to jail i love you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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