those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
third nipple confirmed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
