Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
