Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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