did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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