fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
