everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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