Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
