You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
