Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
