I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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