I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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