and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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