Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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