I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my fart just growled at me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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