Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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