Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
