I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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