There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
