the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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