and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
