And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
