so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love having hate sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
