I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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