OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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