Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
