I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
