May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
