I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
4 words: hood of his car
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
