so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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