I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
