Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
