you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I came so hard my ears popped.
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