a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
did you just send me my own nude
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
