theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
