Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
