So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
