i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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