I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
