Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
