So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
