Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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