I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
