i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
